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The current year signifies a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately kill any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {